I can’t recall if it was a man or a woman who said it. Maybe it was both. But I do remember the first time I heard someone say being somebody’s girlfriend doesn’t really matter. And I do remember thinking, Wow, that’s wrong. I don’t have a girlfriend right now. Haven’t for a while now, and to be honest, sometimes that matters. Sometimes it makes me think of the girls who I could have made my girlfriend, but because I knew I wouldn’t be a good boyfriend, I didn’t ask them. It sounds like a cop out, I know, but trust me it isn’t. I was a professional boyfriend for a long time, but I was so bad at it, I’ve been demoted to professional bachelor until further notice. These days, when I feel the urge to connect, I usually just scroll through old whatsapp chats, wondering what could have been. Still, my time spent with girlfriends past mattered then and it matters now. I still keep a few pictures and voice notes they once sent me on whatsapp, and they remind me how real those moments were. Girlfriends, all of them, matter.

All due respect to the wives and the fiancees of the world. I see you all and my hats off to you. But do me a favor: Don’t forget the status from which you came. Before you were a man’s wife or fiancee, you were his girlfriend. Maybe your first “good morning” text came on whatsapp, and that little buzz meant the world. If it wasn’t for my girlfriends, I’d still be a foreigner in the land of emotions. How to love, how to kiss, how to have sex, how to care about someone else more than I care about myself (although that last one is something I’m still working on), all of these things I became fluent in because a girlfriend taught me the languages. The list of lessons they’ve bestowed on me is endless and I hope it continues to grow because I want to learn more. Even now, I sometimes reread our old whatsapp conversations just to remind myself of those lessons. Show me a man who says girlfriends don’t matter and I’ll show you a man who has never mattered to someone else. Unlucky them. They know the truth, that girlfriends matter. They’ve just never made it a point to find out what having one feels like. Never made themselves available to be someone’s boyfriend. Poor soul. It’s like they’re living life at half speed, still refreshing their whatsapp for a message that will never come.

Don’t get me wrong. Sometimes girlfriends can best be described in one word that starts with a B. Sometimes they are our worst enemy. Sometimes they hurt. But so are the people we work with, and we don’t quit the job; so are our family members, and we don’t quit them. Girlfriends, as much of a headache as they can be, matter none the less. Even the arguments that exploded over whatsapp mattered, because they taught me patience. Girlfriends matter to me, which is not to say that I want one, it’s just to say that I’ve had one or two. I never had a wife, never been engaged. But I did live with a girlfriend once upon a time, and even though we’re not together anymore, she matters. The ones who came before her, the ones I didn’t live with, they matter too. And if you don’t get how that can be, ask their new boyfriends. Those lucky bastards who are now boyfriends to my ex-girlfriends. They’ll tell you their girlfriends matter. And yes, I still get the occasional whatsapp birthday message from them — proof that connections don’t just vanish. Girlfriends matter. Just ask the men I know who will kill for their girlfriends. I know quite a few of them, just like I know quite a few husbands who act like their wives don’t exist. Girlfriends matter, titles don’t. So the question is not who I’m loving, if she is my wife, fiancee, or girlfriend. The question is, am I loving her to the best of my ability? I don’t think a title should dictate such things. Whether it’s a wedding vow or just a late-night whatsapp “I miss you,” the feeling is the same.

Girlfriends matter like practice matters. If marriage is the big game, the girlfriend stage is all the preparation leading up to it. And some men are going to practice hard, while others are going to take to it like Allen Iverson (We’re talking about practice! Not a game! Practice!). But practice no matter which way we cut it, still makes perfect, so let a man get the hang of the whole boyfriend/girlfriend thing before he dives into the husband/wife thing. Better he messes up the former than the latter. Think of whatsapp arguments and reconciliations as drills before the real game. Girlfriends matter, and when I say this, I want the ladies to understand it more than the men do. I want the girlfriend who’s been a girlfriend for what seems like forever to understand she matters to her boyfriend. I know she’s tired of a relationship in which the most significant symbol of their bond is reflected in the Relationship Status column on Facebook (In a Relationship!). To her, this whole girlfriend thing is starting to matter much less than it used to. But girlfriend, think back to the days before he was in your life and recall the moment when you wanted nothing more than to be that man’s girlfriend. The ring could wait, you thought. Right now, your hand will suffice. So give it to me, and let’s walk down this street together. Show everyone that I’m your girlfriend. Just like you once showed off our first couple selfie on whatsapp. Men need girlfriends, it’s the only way we learn how to love and how to hurt. We don’t learn it from mothers, we don’t learn it from others (no rhyme intended) who love us unconditionally. We learn it from a girlfriend. Maybe she was the one we had in the first grade. Maybe she was the one we had in college. Maybe we’re together. Maybe we’re not. Who knows? All I know is I know so much more about everything because of the girlfriends I’ve had and that’s why they mattered then and they matter now. And yes, even if the only thing left between us is a dusty old whatsapp thread, it still matters.